I've been feeling lately that I've forgotten how to write.  And not just here, in this medium.  I've had a few story ideas that I would like to actually develop. But I just plain forget how to do that anymore.

I took a stab at the NaNoWriMo thing a couple of years ago.  Well, I signed up to take a stab at NaNoWriMo.

So I was thinking that if I read more, it may start coming back to me. Except, I have no idea when I'm going to get the chance to do that.

Oh crap, I just sounded like my mother.

After three days of awfulness, I've found a little calm.  SIGH.

This also means that I have nothing new to say right now.

Except that I'm still around.

And less pensive than that insomniac Zesty from the other day.

Hooray.

I've had two consecutive (not counting the weekend, of course) awful days with work. Somehow it crept into my mind as I laid down to sleep close to 90 minutes ago. I gave up on the tossing and turning thing, cracked at Coors Light and here I am: my (not so) triumphant return.

I've often wondered, tonight is no exception, how I ended up here. I know there was a reason I went to law school, I just can't seem to remember what it was. Or what delusion I was under when I told myself: "That's  for you, go for it!" More and more I now think, "This is not for me, I don't want any part of it." And in virtually the same breath, I spoke of my plans to take the bar again next year.

I can't begin to understand myself. The over-achieving-perfectionist-slacker. I think it's the worst combination of traits a personality could have. To put in such effort in the pursuit of perfection, only to neglect a seemingly minor, yet crucial detail that sets the whole plan on a course for destruction.  This is my major malfunction. Work and work and work, only to slack at a pivotal moment. And I just don't get it.

So I can't help but wonder if there isn't something else out there for me? Something that doesn't trigger that slacker inside to rear its ugly head and spoil the party. Something that I can't use as a set-up for self-destruction.

So far that only thing that seems to fit the bill is marriage. But I've only been at that endeavor for a month now.