May 15, 2009

• So I will just come out and say it: I am getting ready to start studying to take the bar exam again at the end of July. With that said, let me set some ground rules, applicable to everyone in my life, no matter how close or distant we may be to one another.

   

  1. Do not, under any circumstances, ask me how it’s going. The answer will always be the same: it’s shitty and it sucks. Feel free to have the conversation in your head, if it will help you, because actually asking me, while well intentioned, is not helpful to me.

   

  2. Similarly, don’t ask me how I’m feeling about it this time. This answer will also never change: I’m stressed (not to mention hugely PG) and tired, I don’t know why I ever wanted to do this in the first place, let alone again, and I feel like I'm going to fail. For obvious reasons, I want to keep these thoughts and feelings stifled, buried and locked down as deeply in the vault as possible. Despite the pleasantry I may spout back at you, that is the reality of what’s going through my head.

   

  3. Despite your best of intentions, please do not try to be a cheerleader. No cheerleader, no matter what the extent of her super powers may be, can save this wretched world into which I have misguidedly chosen to lead my life.

   

  4. Please try not to make me feel guilty for being anti-social between May 26 and July 31. I’m Catholic for You-Know-Who’s sake.  No added guilt necessary. Just know it’s nothing personal, strictly business.

   

  5. Likewise, if I don’t answer your calls, don’t take it personally. If there’s something you need to tell or ask me, please e-mail or text it. Trust me, I won’t be a good gabber anyway. Besides, as Fella learned earlier, you may end up with a blubbering mess on the other end. Nobody likes a blubbering mess, most of all yours truly!

   

  6. On top of sums I’ve previously spent on this endeavor, we’re investing further in the "$10k Exam" and as a result apparently now have to forego any vacation or babymoon after the exam. This does not make for a happy Zesty. Please, I beseech you, as best you can refrain from talking about your fabulous vacation plans when in the presence of her company. She’s got no light at the end of the bar exam tunnel, only childbirth and motherhood. While a miracle and a blessing, it is not my idea of a vacation.

   

  7. The exam is at the END OF JULY. Kindly commit that tidbit to memory.

   

  8. Do not, under any circumstances, tell me about the long-lost relative of yours who had to take the exam umpteen times before passing. While I appreciate the attempt to empathize, trust me--it is not as reassuring to hear as one may think.

   

  9. Because I will essentially be eating, sleeping, and breathing bar exam, when I do get a rare moment to get my head above water, consider the topic strictly off limits. And don’t make an end-run around this rule by asking Fella about any of it. Not only is he also subject to these rules, rendering a virtual gag order upon him, but he has to deal with the wreck formerly known as his wife on a daily basis and may not want to relive the emotional rollercoaster that has been forced upon him during this time. Just listen to Nancy and say no to the temptation.

   

  10. I love you, which is why I write this.  I hope you can appreciate both the humor as well as the solemnity in these words. And, like Bartles and James before me, I thank you for your support (and strict adherence to these rules, which may be subject to change without notice).

  • 1:12 am
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